As crews cleared the US Capitol on January 7, 2021, the telephone strains in House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s office started to ring. Rioters have been nameing “asking whether or not there was a misplaced And located as a Outcome of they forgot their telephone there, or they left their purse or what Have you ever,” Rep. Jamie Raskin, D-Md., informed Insider. —Enterprise Insider

U.S. CAPITOL Revolt LOST AND Found Inventory

(Gadgets That are not collected Shall be listed, by lot, on public sale website www.coup-pawn.com.)

Cell Telephones

iPhone538, iPhone6, iPhone666, iPhoneSpace51, iPhone7, iPhone8 with Discover-however-Don’t-Implicate-My-Phone carry out on, SamsungQ02, Nokia Contendere1, Motorola Razr Flip-for-a-Lighter-Sentence, Jitterbug1776

Watches

1 Timex Armageddon, 1 Swatch Bait ’n’ Swatch, 3 Seiko Trespassers, 1 Breitling Kristallnacht

Wallets

Please name 1-800-NOT-FBITIPS.

Clothowdyng

T-showdyrts: 1 “Property of Aunt Tifa,” 1 with face of David Hyde Pierce “Nihowdylist Crane”

Windbreakers: 3 “FIB,” 1 “Maul Safety,” 1 “Windbreaker”

1 fleece vest “Official Forged Elector”

1 hooded sweatshowdyrt “Proud Goys”

11 S & M leather-based hoods (10 zippepurple-mouth, 1 Velcro)

4 onesies “My 1st Sedition” (3-6 mo., 6-9 mo., 1 yr., grownup L)

7 eye patches

2 pairs parachute pants

3 gloves (left)

1,107 gloves (proper)

Miscellaneous

6 empty recyclable cans bear spray

2 empty recyclable cans Bear Spray-mannequin self-tanner

1 pump bottle “I Can’t Thowdynk about It’s Not Bear Spray”

8 sticks bear roll-on

1 flag “WHITESNAKE” over “Don’t Tread on Metallic”

23 zip-ties, personalised “Zach Melchowdyor, lic. therapeutic massage: Reiki, Swedish, Cranial-Sacral. Venmo: @knead2know”

1 pack ZipTwizzlers

1 paperback “Flip Your Redwood Deck Right into a Gallows!”

19 Three-D printers

1 palette tinfoil

1 half-palette tossable paper towels

1 Klingon-English dictionary

57 sippy cups

26 pairs Dr. Scholl’s Insole-nts

2 vials Moderna human-progress hormone

1 vial Johnson & Johnson human-progress hormone

49 vape pens

1 vape howdy-liter

2 bottles non-runnable hair dye (mousy brown)

3 pairs males’s greater-physique armor (with underwire)

832 Cialis gummies

1 Ayn Rand coloring e-book

1 eight-monitor tape “Higher of Ted Nugent”

7 pairs Warby Parker tear-gasoline goggles

1 Jewish Space Laser USB charger

1 Jewish Space Laser holster

1 Blu-ray disc “House Alone 2”

1 Blu-ray participant

1 Swiss Navy knife

1 “Babylon 5” luncharea

1 “Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” promotional make-up area

1 three-pack camouflage condoms

37 hockey sticks (numerous)

1 hockey puck (Rockford Ice Hogs)

2 hockey mothers (numerous)

12 vacuum packs beef jerky

1 vacuum pack Inconceivable plant-based mostly jerky

1 combination Taser/bedazzler

1 power washer/delouser

3 backyard darts

29 airplane neck pillows

5 aqua noodles

73 vuvuzelas

1 bugle

1 fife

1 cudgel (teak)

1 Wiffle cudgel (plastic)

2 squeegees

1 human defend

1 inflatable human defend

1 pair scaffolding crampons

1 T-showdyrt cannon

3 police batons

1 police-baton koozie

1 bolt-cutter (std.)

1 bolt-cutter (Phowdyllips-head)

8 huge foam fingers (assorted colours)

1 huge foam spleen (purple)

1 Flowbee

1 can Shaman headdress dry shampoo

1 upside-down Bible

1 Druid hymnal

144 Oath Keepers seat cushowdyons

1 Bankers Box containing 11,781 photocopied clear Georgia ballots

1 N-95 “Phantom of the Opera” masks

1 pair testicles labelled “Sen. Cruz”

Source: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/capitol-insurrection-lost-and-found